Random Thoughts

Just a few thoughts:

I have had a lot of ups and downs in the past couple months and sadly to say mostly downs. You are always told that life is going to hand you lemons so you need to make lemonade but what about if you don't have the energy to make lemonade what about if you want the lemonade brought to you but alas I guess it isn't true. So you try to make this "lemonade" and then it turns out to suck yep and that is about where I am at right now.

Nothing I do whether it be in CrossFit, career, friends, relationship is going the way I want it to be. Of course it is all about me right, I hate having that mentality but I do sometimes. So I recently have picked apart each part of my life and here are my conclusions:

CrossFit: I am not happy with it because I suck. Yep I truly feel I have hit the wall with CrossFit and everytime I try to push hard I get injured more and more ... BUT at least I know that I need to dial down for a while until I do NLI which I am totally doing. I have also decide to train personally with G I feel that perhaps with her coaching I will be able to get to the place I want to be in the next 6 months. So yes I guess I have figured out what to do with CrossFit but only time will tell!

Career: I got to work on MOnday to realize that I had somehow gotten my days mixed up and missed three hearings. Those are my clients on the line and to have forgotten about my clients means I have forgotten about caring about my job. Trust me I love my job I love what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life but at the same time to have forgotten things that thankfully was not the worst thing in the world is horrible. All I can do is try.

Friends: I have neglected my old friends and I have hurt my new ones. I never have time for both I always feel like I have to choose. I always feel stuck in the middle. I love my friends I cherish them but at the same time I feel forgotten. I know I should try harder with my friends but sometimes I feel that my friends can't accept my true self my sometimes unhappy broken sometimes and my sometimes super excited self. I can only be me and I have to deal with the fact that some of my friends will never accept me and some of my friends will always love me.

Relationships: Well how do I let someone in? That is a question I think about everyday. I want to love and be loved but I have a very hard time accepting that with love comes hurt. Accepting that for me is very hard. I have felt a great love and I want to feel it again but I can't force it and I must accept the relationships that come and go in my life.

These are just my random thoughts in my head ....