Locking Out

Today I had a very intense and emotional chat with some friends about my life. I didn't plan to share my life story with them nor did I think I ever would. I was always too afraid of what they were going to think of me, if they would see me in a different light, if they were going to act differently towards me ... That is what kept me from being raw and honest with them.

As I shared with them two instances in my life that have been probably the hardest things I have experienced it kinda poured out and I could hear myself saying the words and in my head being like SHUT UP you are just making yourself look bad and I kept thinking they are so quiet and they are not saying anything they must just think who is this person we though we knew ... But I told them .... I was truly honest and after I told them I felt like something was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like I really truly could be my own person around them like I am in the gym.

When I step into the gym you can't pretend you are some badass, I lift heavy weight, you can't fake your way through CrossFit you are what you are ! You are only as badass as the weight you lift, you are only going to push as much as you can, you are being raw and honest with yourself with every WOD you do, every lift you do ! It is just you and the bar and maybe GOD, praying that you can lift the sucker or get under the weight ! But there is no faking it, if the chin doesn't get over the bar then you can't count the rep, if you don't lock out at the top you can't pretend you did ...

So when it came down to it, I have truly become close with these people in my life and I wasn't "Locking Out" with them like I should. I was halfway there but not always... To be so raw with them today felt amazing, I felt like they could truly understand the women and the struggles I have had and am going through ...

The best part of this was I was still nervous when I was at my apartment so I decided to go get some yummy almond milk and have some hot cocoa ... As I was driving back my phone beeped and I saw a message from one of my friends ... In it she expressed how she truly thought I was an inspiring person and was happy that I had shared my story with her ... I literally broke down in my car crying ! To know that is how she felt was just so great ~

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Taking Charge

I was just given a bill today that I have no idea how I am going to pay I have a payment plan set up for a year but the amount I must pay after trying to talk it down is close to impossible for me to do! I had a panic attack for a second and I was like what am I going to do I am barely staying afloat. So I decided to take charge of my life.

I am starting a new venture on top of my pursuits to become a lawyer. I am going to start a dog walking business. Why not ?! People are looking for dog walkers and I can be that person. At the moment it seems impossible and in the back of my head what about if I don't get anyone to bite. But then I remember I got to try ...

In CrossFit, sometimes I walk up to the board see the WOD and go wow that is going to be impossible (in my head) never say it out loud Steve would not be pleased to hear that, but I am going to try to do it. This happened when I did "DANIEL" I walked up and was like 21 thrusters at 65, running, so many pullups ... Jesus ... But I tried ... I really did I took charge and told me mind to shut up and did it ...

Results I BECAME A FIREBREATHER !!! Basically a badass, because I tried! So, I am going to try and start a business because if I don't try I will never know .. If I never tried in CF I would still be doing jumping pull-ups, using the bar and never improve.

So I will take charge of my life, like I take charge of the WOD !!!

"Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential." - Winston Churchill

Be A Shark

I constantly feel like there is always something wrong in my life. When one positive thing happens, two negative things happen. I constantly feel overwhelmed with my life, if it isn't money, it is my career path, my parents, my love life etc. Then I remember what my Mom has always told me you have to work hard for what you want, you can't expect things to just happen you have to make it happen for yourself. How true my wise mother is. I need to get up and make it happen ... a friend told me a funny quote today but I realized how true it is "Sharks have to keep swimming or they die. Be a shark."

Sharks go after what they want they aren't lazy they attack. I got to attack, I can't just lie in bed and throw a pity party I got to get up, dance a little maybe, and go outside and make it happen. As, always everything for me comes full circle to CrossFit. I want to be a Shark in CF, we have sharks at our gym and I want to be them and I know I can. I just have to keep working, through injury, through the frustrations I have with my outside world, I got to step into the gym and "shark it up!" Lately, I have felt like a big shark in the gym, 50 pull-ups RX, PR's .... :) Nothing can stop me, maybe my stupid back but still I will do everything I can to not let it.

CF can really transcend into the rest of my life though. I have recently been complaining to my friends about how my life is terrible but I need to stop talking and be as proactive as I can. I could just let the setbacks swallow me whole or I could just try harder. I could just let my passion for life die or I could "swim" ... if I can do 50 pull-ups and come off the bar and say nothing but a peanut, I can for sure kick my butt into gear and climb the hills of life and look back and say "Ain't nothing but a peanut" !!

My mind is ready to "Keep Swimming !"