PT is all Mental

I haven't been having the greatest week. To be honest this month has not been the best. Not only has work been getting super stressful but I feel like my physical therapy has just been getting worse at least in my mind. Being in physical therapy is a big challenge if you are not in it then you might not understand. To be honest I hate it .. I hate how I have been reduced to 30% to 40% of my ability, I guess it made me think that I was only that good. I am upset my body let me down but did it or was I being careless with my body. As much as I have been struggling and trying to push my limits I am starting to learn that there is way more to PT then meets the eye, especially when you mix it with CrossFit workouts.
CrossFit teaches one to push your intensity right? So that is what I want to do is push but when you mix in PT where they tell you to tone down the intensity it's like taking a step back BUT there is a whole other part of CrossFit the mental aspect and that is a huge part of being successful in CrossFit sooooo... What is so mental about physical therapy well it is mental because you constantly have to be watching what you are doing slowing you pace down, that is all a mental game, telling yourself, as you watch everyone else push to their max, nope you can't push you want to but you can't ... Today was the day I realized how important this was...
I have two exceptional coaches that have really taken time to understand my injury and work with me and really understand what I want out of CrossFit. They have taken the time to sit and tell me what I need to do and how I need to do it and they tell me its a mental thing. Today, was the first day in a long time that I did deadlifts, the lift that hurt my back, it was light of course coaches wouldn't have it any other way and they told me to go slow really slow concentrate on my form. And for once I went slow really really slow, really was listening to my body and my back and really correcting my form. I finished close to last and I kind of felt lame but then my coach walked up to me and said "Good Work" and I was like "yeah ok" and then he said "No really good work, it takes a mentally tough person to slow down a workout and really concentrate when everyone else isn't" And that is when it clicked.
So I am working out at CrossFit maybe not as intensely on the outside but inside my head it is a totally different story.

Inner Beast

I am not going to lie I have been in a really funky mood since the start of the New Year. I thought New Year meant fresh start but instead it has brought back feelings from over a year ago to the surface and to top it off I started the New Year sick! Well unlike a year ago I probably would have been sulking and miserable instead I decided to rededicate myself to the things I love aka CrossFit and some things I haven't touched for a very long time, God.

I dragged myself on Tuesday to the gym in hopes that somehow I could shake the feelings of sorrow and chaos from inside and I put my mind into the WOD and just gave it my all. I really did I literally finished the first round and while waiting that 1 min I cried on the floor because I semi-felt like the world was crashing on all sides of me and because I was out of CrossFit for a couple days but I heard Linds say 10 secs I shook it off and said this is not the person I am and I looked inside, dug deep and held on to that dead hand for those 45 seconds and yup I felt like a champ then moved to burpees and just dropped to the floor, if I want anything to kill me its not my past its the damn WOD. So I completed the WOD and felt good still weird but good. So I came back today and man I still wasn't feeling good and then to top it off I saw the WOD had OHS and I literally was like "Shit, this is going to make my day worse" BUT then I realized I was going back to my old self the one with zero confidence so I decided to shut that off and dig deep AGAIN ... And low and behold my "Inner Beast" came out and I did the WOD and felt so great. So yes this funk I am in is starting to go away....

Now to my second thing I want to rededicate myself to GOD. I am not going to lie I have been away from Church and God for a long time. It was forced on me as a kid and I didn't think it was for me. But some events in my past have recently opened up my eyes to God and I am ready to go back to Church. I believe in him and his higher power. I now realize that the things that have occurred in my past have shaped who I have become and there is a reason for all of it....

Sooooo yes I am in funk but my inner beast is winning!!! :) So I will just go out and kill it!