Locking Out

Today I had a very intense and emotional chat with some friends about my life. I didn't plan to share my life story with them nor did I think I ever would. I was always too afraid of what they were going to think of me, if they would see me in a different light, if they were going to act differently towards me ... That is what kept me from being raw and honest with them.

As I shared with them two instances in my life that have been probably the hardest things I have experienced it kinda poured out and I could hear myself saying the words and in my head being like SHUT UP you are just making yourself look bad and I kept thinking they are so quiet and they are not saying anything they must just think who is this person we though we knew ... But I told them .... I was truly honest and after I told them I felt like something was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like I really truly could be my own person around them like I am in the gym.

When I step into the gym you can't pretend you are some badass, I lift heavy weight, you can't fake your way through CrossFit you are what you are ! You are only as badass as the weight you lift, you are only going to push as much as you can, you are being raw and honest with yourself with every WOD you do, every lift you do ! It is just you and the bar and maybe GOD, praying that you can lift the sucker or get under the weight ! But there is no faking it, if the chin doesn't get over the bar then you can't count the rep, if you don't lock out at the top you can't pretend you did ...

So when it came down to it, I have truly become close with these people in my life and I wasn't "Locking Out" with them like I should. I was halfway there but not always... To be so raw with them today felt amazing, I felt like they could truly understand the women and the struggles I have had and am going through ...

The best part of this was I was still nervous when I was at my apartment so I decided to go get some yummy almond milk and have some hot cocoa ... As I was driving back my phone beeped and I saw a message from one of my friends ... In it she expressed how she truly thought I was an inspiring person and was happy that I had shared my story with her ... I literally broke down in my car crying ! To know that is how she felt was just so great ~

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
~ Bernard Meltzer